


the rain that brings you here is heaven blessed

by hyunghoney



Series: love endlessly. [4]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: (but only referenced/ implied), Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Ambiguous/Open Ending, M/M, Organized Crime, Physical Abuse, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, but they're both dumb, showhyung are soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-23 09:27:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17077712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyunghoney/pseuds/hyunghoney
Summary: The word “love” falls far too easily from Hyungwon’s tongue, candy-coated with the strawberry flavour of the lollipops he always steals from Hyunwoo (to sweeten the iron taste of blood from cut lips and loose teeth).Hyungwon calls Hyunwoo “love”. It never means what Hyunwoo wants it to.(where Hyunwoo, while guarding the night, discovers a flirty boy that refuses to stay out of the premises)





	1. Chapter One.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> Happy (belated) Birthday, Jack! I hope you enjoy this (kind of intense) fic <3

The pattern of bruises that mar Hyunwoo’s body are mostly unpredictable. Sometimes they bloom painfully over his skin, a little more muted than what his ‘soulmate’ would be going through simultaneously. They usually fade over the course of a few weeks, occasionally replaced by fresh ones just as quickly as they disappeared.

 

Hyunwoo used to freak out, gripped by fear that his undiscovered soulmate was getting hurt somewhere. Now, the pain is more on the physical end, and Hyunwoo just thinks his soulmate is another poor soul getting hurt far away — out of the reach of his help. He’s never going to find him, anyway. Not that he still doesn’t worry, sometimes, when the pain makes him gasp, doubling over, choking on air – is his soulmate experiencing that twofold? Will it ever stop? Can Hyunwoo make it stop?

 

“Do you ever think of covering that up, man?” Hoseok always asks, eyes fixed on another painful looking bruise that Hyunwoo can’t explain. “You look positively tortured.”

 

Hyunwoo only shrugs. He has no right to shamefully hide someone else’s pain.

 

* * *

 

**(1st week of September)**

 

“Give me a sweet, love?” Hyunwoo jumps when he hears Hyungwon’s voice. He looks out of the window of the security guard post, and the pretty boy is leaning in, grinning. True enough, he holds one hand open, which he waves in Hyunwoo’s face to emphasise his question. Hyunwoo digs in his usual plastic jar of lollipops, and throws him a strawberry-flavoured one.

 

He’s mostly used to Hyungwon now, after four months of him trespassing on the private property, no care at all for Hyunwoo’s pleading or his job. Hyunwoo sees him almost twice a week these days. He’s always dripping from the rain, those perfect lips pouting at him until he lets him take shelter there. Not that Hyunwoo really minds. The night shift is fucking lonely, and if Hyungwon wants to provide him company, he isn’t going to complain.

 

“Have you been sitting on your butt for the whole night?” Hyungwon asks, judging him. Hyunwoo realises he has been. He nods, and Hyungwon shakes his head with a _tsk_ , before holding a slender hand out to him. Hyunwoo stares at the outstretched hand, unsure. “You should make your rounds, noble guard! Walk with me.”

 

Before Hyunwoo can say no, the door of the guard post is all but kicked open. Hyungwon, entering without invitation, pulls him off his seat, dragging him out. Hyunwoo sighs. He lets himself be pulled, making sure to grab his torchlight along the way. There isn’t really a point to making rounds and checking for intruders, he thinks, when the only person interested in this building is Hyungwon. Still, it’s impossible to say no to the man.

 

Hyungwon, still holding his hand, strides towards the building. Striding is just how Hyungwon got places, Hyunwoo has noticed. Only commoners, who couldn’t hope to be as confident or self-assured or gorgeous, walked. When they’d first met, that had been intimidating, almost off-putting. Now, Hyungwon always slows to let Hyunwoo match his pace, not striding away from Hyunwoo but always stubbornly insisting on walking hand in hand. In some instances he could almost be normal, not an inexplicable mystery that only existed in the night.

 

Hyungwon waits for Hyunwoo to join him where he stands, and intertwines their fingers.

 

Hyunwoo thinks back to before.

 

* * *

 

**(1st day of May)**

 

_Hyunwoo scrolled through various apps on his phone, bored out of his mind._

 

_He rubbed one finger lightly over the fading bruise on the corner of his lips. It had appeared a few days ago, angry hues of black and blue in the shadow of a rough fist. It faded away, blending in with the similar scars all over his body. Not for the first time, he had wondered what kind of life his supposed other half must be having to be getting so injured all the time._

 

_It was the fourth hour of his first time on the night shift, and he was already tired of the routine – sitting in the small, dingy office lit by a dim light bulb till his butt had gone numb, getting up every half an hour to walk around the abandoned building for a couple of minutes with a flickering torch in hand, looking out for intruders. He didn’t even know why this empty building that was long out of use even needs guarding, but his wallet wasn’t complaining._

 

 _“_ The night shift can be… interesting. _” Those had been Hoseok’s words when he heard Hyunwoo was taking on the shift. Hoseok had taken the night shift before a change in his second job’s schedules forced him to change, and Hyunwoo sat where Hoseok used to every night, finding the night shift extremely uninteresting and relentlessly hating Hoseok for being a liar who lied all the time._

 

_A tap-tap sound nearby had Hyunwoo perking up, one hand gripped on his torchlight. He was almost ready to forgive Hoseok already. He shone it out of the window, half-hoping there would be an intruder for him to fight. Anything to un-numb his butt and stretch his legs. A quick look outside had him immediately retracting his forgiveness. The tap-tap sound continued as the raindrops hit the roof of the security guard post, and Hyunwoo sunk back into his chair, sighing._

 

_He checked his watch. 4.30 a.m. Two and a half hours to the end of his shift. He leaned back in his chair, resting his eyes for just a moment._

 

_When he opened his eyes again, there was a leather-clad boy walking past the guard post, striding into the abandoned building. Caught by surprise, all Hyunwoo could do for a few seconds was stare blankly after him. When he regained his senses, he shot out of the seat and dashed out of the door, going after the confident intruder._

 

_The boy kept on walking like he did not hear Hyunwoo’s footsteps hurrying after him. The rain pours on the both of them, but aside from a small shiver, the boy barely seemed to notice. The purposeful way he was heading straight into the building raised Hyunwoo’s suspicions, so he slowed down to follow the boy from a short distance._

 

_Finally, they arrived at the building. Hyunwoo had never properly been in it before, having only seen it up close when making his routine inspection rounds. The intruder walked in like he had been here a million times, so Hyunwoo followed, not even trying to be discreet – he was clearly not paying attention._

 

_“Hey! You aren’t supposed to be in here.” His voice echoed strangely in the empty vastness of the building. The boy glanced over his shoulder, and whipped around when his eyes landed on Hyunwoo, his security guard uniform soaked and his hair dripping with rain._

 

_The boy looked confused, eyes widening a little at the sight of Hyunwoo._

 

_“You’re new.” His voice was low, and he looked over Hyunwoo with a inquisitorial gaze that made Hyunwoo feel like the intruder instead. His thick lips were parted in a vague show of interest, and he blinked his big eyes at Hyunwoo. He took one step closer, and Hyunwoo subconsciously stepped back, intimidated by his strange aura. The boy watched him as if inspecting a strange object, looking Hyunwoo up and down._

 

_Hyunwoo felt strangely powerless, like he had less right to be here than this strange, confident stranger. His fingers closed tighter around his torchlight, but he didn’t otherwise move to chase the intruder out. The rain dripping off the man’s dark hair onto his long lashes and soft cheeks somehow added to his cryptid quality, and he looked decidedly unreal in the unnatural lighting of the torchlight._

 

_“This is private property. You should leave.” Hyunwoo tried to deepen his voice a notch, feeling somehow that the intruder wouldn’t settle for anything less than confidence. He just got a light giggle in response._

 

_“Is it a big deal? There’s no one even living here, and Hoseok’s never minded… All I do here is hide from the rain.” He pouted just a little, plump lower lip jutting out, and Hyunwoo’s heart jumped involuntarily. Damn Hoseok._

 

_Hyunwoo coughed loudly to undercut some of his awkwardness. It was the middle of the night and there was a random (gorgeous) stranger refusing to leave the premises – he should have been doing his job and making them leave. The taller boy didn’t even look like he’d be any match against Hyunwoo if it came to it, but –_

 

_“I promise I won’t break anything.”_

 

_With a sigh, Hyunwoo acquiesced. He just nodded, a silent agreement that as long as the (absolutely stunning) boy didn’t touch anything, he got to hide here from the rain. The boy flashed him a (blinding) smile and strode off, a bounce in his step that made the movement seem a little like a child skipping along._

 

_“H-hey!” Hyunwoo called out. The boy turned, gaze inquisitive. “What’s your name?”_

 

_“Hyungwon. What’s yours, love?”_

 

* * *

 

_Hoseok had only laughed at him when he recounted the previous night’s events. The strange intruder, or Hyungwon as he had introduced himself, had left at 5.44am, when the rain finally ended. He strode over to Hyunwoo’s guard post, thanking him with a smile before leaving. Hyunwoo had stared after him till he had disappeared, fascinated, and continued to be spaced out until the maintenance guys had arrived, Kihyun questioning his spacey state and Jooheon shrugging and dragging their equipment in._

 

_“I told you it’d be interesting! Hyungwon’s harmless though, don’t worry about it.” They sat together, eating breakfast in the diner near the building. Hyunwoo pretended to glare at him, but Hoseok’s mouth was so stuffed with food he looked like an adorable bunny, and he felt some of his annoyance dissipate. Hoseok was probably right, anyway. Hyungwon, for all intents and purposes, did seem to be harmless._

 

_Hyunwoo blinked, and Hoseok’s palms were suddenly scraped. Hoseok hissed in pain, glancing down at them, then dug in his pocket for his phone._

 

_“Hey, Changkyun? You okay?” Hoseok asked. Changkyun, Hoseok’s soulmate, was not prone to accidents on most days, but got the occasional injury when he was rushing to the office, having stayed home late out of sheer laziness. Hyunwoo laughed as his suspicions were confirmed, and Hoseok began nagging his boyfriend about watching his surroundings when running. Their playful argument faded into the background quickly. Without meaning to, he dragged a thumb over the fading black and blue on his arm._

 

* * *

 

**(1st week of September)**

 

They’re almost shoulder to shoulder now, and Hyunwoo can’t help stare, like always, at Hyungwon’s striking appearance. His soft brown hair falls messily into his eyes and around his pretty face. His thick lips are tinted with pink, glitter sparkling on his eyelids, and his large eyes seem to reflect the stars. Hyungwon smiles, almost shyly, when he catches Hyunwoo staring. His soft cheeks tinge with red. Hyunwoo is surprised – can Hyungwon do something as human as blushing?

 

He can’t even tease Hyungwon about it – he’s afraid this vulnerability will disappear as soon as he points it out, and Hyungwon is going to return to his distant, perfectly-assured self. He feels a warmth on his shoulder, and Hyungwon’s resting on it now, leaning his weight against him as they walk. Hyunwoo, speechless, just allows it.

 

“It’s not raining today,” Hyunwoo observes. “But you’re still here.”

 

A bird chirps from a nearby tree. Hyungwon swings their arms together as they walk, not immediately answering his not-question. He wipes away some dirt on Hyunwoo’s knuckle, seemingly focusing all his attention on it. Hyunwoo doesn’t push for an answer. It’s not like he doesn’t want Hyungwon here, anyway, so who is he to question his presence?

 

“Maybe I like it here, love.”

 

Hyunwoo thinks there was no point in Hyungwon asking for his name that first day. He’s apparently just going to keep calling him “love”. He doesn’t ask more on the topic, and lets Hyungwon bring them around the building. Hyungwon doesn’t say much, the strawberry sweet sticking out of his mouth, occupying his attention. Hyunwoo thinks he catches a glimpse of something wet in the corner of Hyungwon’s lips. But he blinks and Hyungwon’s licked it away, his tongue stained red. Hyunwoo tastes the iron of blood mixing in with the orange flavour of his own lollipop.

 

Hyungwon grips Hyunwoo’s hand tighter and pulls him into the building. Hyunwoo doesn’t protest, letting himself be dragged. They’d known each other well over four months now – everything Hyungwon says or does mesmerizes Hyunwoo as it did the first time they’d met. On Hyungwon’s part, he seems to mostly be amused by Hyunwoo. It’s good enough, Hyunwoo thinks, just to get the approval of someone as aloof as Hyungwon.

 

He shines the torchlight around the interior when they enter. The place is abandoned and dusty as always, and he wonders what Kihyun and Jooheon even do for maintenance if the place is still so run-down. The walls are peeling. The whole floor is a single room, a huge expanse of nothing, a battered stone staircase leading to the next level. The ceiling is so high that he has to crane his neck up to see it.

 

“It was a mall, I think.” Hyungwon mentions, as if hearing Hyunwoo’s unspoken question. He looks around the place as well, but seems to quickly decide there’s nothing new to see. He strides off to the furthest corner of the room. He looks out of the window for a bit, staring around at the surroundings, barely illuminated by the moon in the dead of the night. Hyunwoo only looks at Hyungwon. Hyungwon turns, suddenly, and their eyes meet. Hyunwoo hates being caught staring. In a breath, Hyungwon returns to Hyunwoo.

 

He takes his hand again. This time, he lets Hyunwoo lead him back outside, following him quietly back to the guard office. Hyungwon enters with him, for the first time, and looks enchanted by the perfectly ordinary, dingy little office. He takes a few seconds to take it in as Hyunwoo plops down onto his chair.

 

Hyungwon joins him there. Hyungwon pulls him upright, as if positioning him. Hyunwoo can’t contain his gasp when Hyungwon’s body is suddenly weighing down on him, as the younger man sits on his lap. Hyunwoo watches Hyungwon with a fond smile as the other man lets his eyes close. Hyungwon isn’t his soulmate. This much is clear – comparing his beat up face and arms to Hyungwon’s unblemished appearance is evidence enough. But Hyunwoo can’t really care about that when Hyungwon grabs his hand again and puts it to his cheek, and he can feel his warm breath on his palm. It’s 5 a.m. Everything is quiet, and Hyunwoo is snuggling on the chair in the office with a trespasser, and he thinks he can stay like this forever.

 

“You should get back to work,” Hyungwon mumbles, cheek still pressed against his palm. His eyes flutter but don’t open as he talks. Hyungwon does nothing to encourage Hyunwoo to return to work, still resolutely planted on his lap and using his hand as a pillow. Hyunwoo rolls his eyes but doesn’t move to push him off until a soft snore escapes Hyungwon, and he nudges him awake.

 

Hyungwon groans, annoyed, but gets off him. In an exaggerated gesture, as if his skinny legs can no longer hold him, he collapses to the ground, and begins whining at Hyunwoo to pull him up. Hyunwoo laughs and tries to ignore him, but the whines devolve into Hyungwon just stubbornly smacking his knees. He gives in. He holds out a hand for Hyungwon to take and pulls him to his feet.

 

Hyunwoo still stares after Hyungwon as he leaves.

 

* * *

 

**(3rd day of October)**

 

Hyungwon eats a sandwich. The 2nd floor of the house is empty save himself. He’ll be alone for at least a few more hours. He takes another bite. The huge expanse of the penthouse looks untouched, uninhabited. His boyfriend’s return, two days prior, from an overseas trip is evidenced by the suitcases he’d left by the towering bookshelves. Hyungwon, also, has just gotten home. He reaches lazily for his phone. It’s 2.43 p.m. He puts down the sandwich and gets up on unsteady feet. The world spins. He grabs the kitchen counter. It also spins. Fuck.

 

If he’d stayed too long at the drop site last night, it definitely isn’t because of a certain guard. And if he’d stayed up till now because he was out drinking, it definitely isn’t because he was avoiding a certain other man. No, those were both his choices. He rubs his eyes. When he aggressively chugs a bottle of water, the world steadies a little. He takes the sandwich to the bedroom.

 

A mess of blankets and pillows, strewn across the bed, spilling onto the floor. The mirror is a little cracked. The closet door is left wide open, the contents a jumble. The bedside table on its side, on the floor. The edge of it is splintering. ( _“Don’t get your hands on it,” the warning echoes in his head from three months ago. “This is worth more than your life.”_ ) Someone had clearly been in a bad mood when they left the house that morning. Probably his fault.

 

Hyungwon turns the table back upright. He leaves the sandwich on top (it’s already broken, anyway). He ventures back into the living room for his phone. The spacious room is always pristine – for such an aggressive man, his boyfriend did like to maintain appearances. A perfect plush, pure white couch set, a rug at the door. Natural light streaming in through the sliding glass panels where normal apartments would have had walls. Tastefully curated art. A gun cabinet.

 

He wanders around the house he’s lived in for six years. It’s beautiful. Hyungwon has always thought so. Just like the first time his nineteen-year-old self had entered the place, he gazes with amazement around the place. He tries to remember if the huge place had felt so claustrophobic the first time he’d seen it.

 

Not for the first time, he finds himself admiring the art hanging on the wall. It’s beautiful. Expensive, of course. The man would accept nothing less than luxury. And his ‘businesses’ around Korea, even Asia, definitely ensured this comfort. Hyungwon runs his finger along the ornate gold frame. He thinks of a line from some 1900s song – something about a bird and a gilded cage. This is one if there ever was. Not that he has anywhere to go but here, if the man ever let him go.

 

He thinks of lips slightly smudged with orange, strong arms that only held and never hurt, an accommodating warmth that never once became searing fire – he longs for the night all over again. An image of bruised lips flash in his mind, his injuries reflected on the other man’s face and body. He wonders why Hyunwoo would be fated to be with such a broken thing. He imagines how Hyunwoo would shine if his face didn’t bear Hyungwon’s scars.

 

When Hyungwon was a child, he always dreamt of meeting his soulmate. A bruised knee here, a scraped elbow there. His mother had laughed and told him he probably had one active girl of a soulmate. Hyungwon didn’t mind at all. He showed his scars to the girls in his class and tried to see if any matched his. None did. He didn’t give up, though. His father listened tolerantly as he told him his romantic fantasy –– _“I’m gonna meet my soulmate at a ball!”_ –– never once pointing out that balls just weren’t a thing anymore. Hyungwon misses his parents. A little.

 

2.47 p.m. He comes back to the table to retrieve his phone. Now that his hangover’s calmed down a little, he can concentrate enough to see the messages.

 

 **JUNYOUNG** ♡ **:**

 **4.44 a.m.:** _where the fuck are you???_

 **6.30 a.m.:** _come home. now._

 **6.31 a.m.:** _did you at least stash the drugs?????_

 **10.19 a.m.:** _when i find you, you’re dead._

 

Fuck.

 

All Hyungwon wants to do is run. Or cry. He grips the phone with shaking hands.

 

_Of course I stashed them_

_I’m home now_

_Sorry love :’(_

_Let me make it up to you?_

 

The phone clatters out of his grip as soon as he hits ‘send’. It doesn’t crack. He stares at it with blank eyes. His lips tremble. There’s a feeling akin to fear that’s sending his heart into overdrive, but he knows he’s had worse. His body seems to ache with the promise of pain – or the memory of it. He can’t tell, most days.

 

10.33 p.m. Bruises bloom like flowers over Hyunwoo’s skin. He groans. He ignores a pang of momentary worry, opting to sleep till his shift.

 

11.00 p.m. Bruises disappear from Hyungwon’s face, buried under an expertly-applied layer of make-up. No one will notice (Hyunwoo won’t notice).

 

* * *

 

Hyunwoo always feels like the third wheel. Hoseok cuddles with Changkyun on the couch. He sits at the kitchen counter of their shared apartment, a sandwich in hand. The pair of them ignore his presence. He takes a bite. Changkyun whispers something to Hoseok that has them both giggling. Hoseok kisses Changkyun. He takes another bite.

 

He fidgets with the Doraemon plaster on his cheekbone. He’d found blood on it when he got out of bed at 11 p.m. _Damn soulmate_. There’s still half an hour till he has to go for his shift, but he can’t return to bed now. Cruelly, he wonders if his soulmate would cool it on the getting injured thing just for one day. He hates himself for the thought as soon as he thinks it. He isn’t yet so apathetic to his soulmate’s pain.

 

Changkyun climbs into Hoseok’s lap. Hyunwoo climbs off the seat and clambers to the bedroom. He takes his uniform off the hanger. When he’s done dressing, he throws on a jacket. It smells like rain and lightly like strawberries. He runs his fingers through his hair a little, trying not to give the impression of someone who’d just rolled out of bed. The couple wave at him as he leaves. He pushes his earbuds in and heads off (to where he hopes Hyungwon waits).

 

The building is empty when he inspects it, but there’s still seven hours to go on this shift. Hyunwoo sits, and waits.

 

* * *

 

**(4th day of October)**

 

3.23 a.m. Hyungwon arrives with the rain. Shivering, drenched, and shining, he throws open the door of the office with the force of a thunderstorm. Hyunwoo tries to bite back the delighted smile that immediately appears on his face. As always, the night becomes more charged with Hyungwon’s arrival. Hyunwoo thinks he can get through the rest of tonight if only Hyungwon stayed with him for a few minutes of it. Hyungwon smiles at him, a potato chip between his plush lips. A bag of chips is pushed lightly onto his lap.

 

“Missed me, love?”

 

Hyunwoo doesn’t say no. He puts the bag of chips on the desk. Hyungwon puts himself on the desk. He watches Hyunwoo with that piercing gaze, like he was seeing right through him. Hyunwoo feels exposed. He doesn’t even have anything to hide. Hyungwon raises a finger to his cheekbone, feeling the plaster he’d stuck there. His eyebrows are furrowed. Hyunwoo almost thinks he could be worried for him. He stupidly wonders if Hyungwon even has feelings. Hyungwon brings a thumb to his lips and plants a soft kiss, returning it to the plaster.

 

Hyungwon heads back out of the dingy room as quickly as he’d barged in. Hyunwoo sighs. Some rainy days, Hyungwon opts to seek shelter in the building rather than stay with him. He shouldn’t be so disappointed. Still, he can’t help thinking that after six months of knowing each other, Hyungwon would come here not to see the place but perhaps – no. They are not soulmates, and Hyungwon, beautiful mystery, is more than anything Hyunwoo could deserve.

 

“You’re not coming?”

 

Hyunwoo looks up. Hyungwon’s leaning against the doorframe, pouting slightly. He taps his foot, pretending to be impatient. Hyunwoo gets up. He tries not to get too hopeful at the brightened look on Hyungwon’s face. A flash of lightning. He holds out a hand to Hyungwon, who looks delighted. Hyunwoo’s heart jumps. The thunder crashes overhead. Hyungwon takes his hand.

 

Under Hyunwoo’s rain-soaked jacket, they run towards the building. Admittedly, the jacket isn’t much shelter considering that it’s mostly just leaking onto them. But Hyunwoo likes the feeling of Hyungwon pressing against him, hand in his as they huddle under the jacket. Hyungwon squeezes his hand as they run, awkwardly waddling to keep their bodies under the jacket. He likes Hyungwon like this – not striding, not unreal, not beautiful and distant, just drenched and shivering and clinging and real. They arrive at the entrance.

 

Hyungwon’s hand slips out of his before he knows it. Before he has the time to mourn the loss of Hyungwon’s hand in his, Hyungwon is running. He braves the rain for a few steps before pushing the door open and dashing in. Hyunwoo follows him. In the moonlight, Hyungwon practically glows. He moves with a prideful grace, every step purposeful. He wanders around the place, seemingly directionless. Hyunwoo pushes his dripping hair out of his eyes.

 

Hyungwon lies down in the middle of the floor. For a few breaths, Hyunwoo can only watch him. Then his eyes drift slowly shut. He curls up gradually. Hyunwoo’s heart feels a tug. Hyungwon could almost be a child in this state, looking small and breakable on the floor. Hyungwon’s eyelids flutter, and his breaths are steady, easy. The night is so, so still. The cut on Hyunwoo’s cheek stings. He doesn’t hear Hyungwon let out a gasp of pain.

 

In the next moment, Hyungwon is wide awake, sitting up quickly. He rubs the sleep out of his eyes with his fists, then looks over at Hyunwoo through half-lidded eyes. Hyunwoo fiddles with the pocket of his pants. The thunder still crashes outside, rocking the earth. Hyungwon is unwrapping a lollipop when he looks up again. When had he stolen that from Hyunwoo’s jar? His face is a picture of concentration. It’s kind of cute, actually.

 

“Hey.” Hyunwoo looks up. “Help me out?”

 

Hyungwon chucks the sweet at him before he can say yes or no, and laughs when it lightly smacks him on the arm before landing on his lap. As Hyunwoo unwraps it for him, he feels Hyungwon scoot closer. He sees, from the corner of his eyes, Hyungwon shifting over slowly, dragging his butt on the floor. He drops the sweet into Hyungwon’s waiting open palm when he’s done.

 

Hyungwon sucks the lollipop into his mouth. For a while, he ignores Hyunwoo in favour of savouring his favourite sweet. Then he lets himself lean against the bigger man, head resting on his shoulders. Hyunwoo doesn’t dare to move for fear of Hyungwon being put off. After six months, Hyungwon still sometimes feels even further away than he did on that first day. Hyunwoo chased him regardless, but it would hurt if Hyungwon actually ran.

 

He isn’t Hyunwoo’s soulmate. Hyunwoo knows that all too well. Hyungwon’s unblemished cheeks nuzzle into his shoulder, and he can remember the pain of the bruise on his own, even though it isn’t truly his pain. He doesn’t say anything when Hyungwon snakes a slender hand between their bodies and finds his hand again. He lets the younger intertwine their fingers, and pretends they could be fated.

 

4.00 a.m. Hyunwoo’s shoulder is numb. Hyungwon hasn’t moved, still snuggled into his side, but Hyunwoo knows he is awake from the tight grip of their intertwined fingers. He looks down and meets Hyungwon’s eyes. The air escapes the room, too suddenly. Hyungwon blushes again – another surprise. He dips his head, hiding from Hyunwoo’s eyes in a shy action that seems out of character for him.

 

“Why do you look at me like that?”

 

“Like what?”

 

Hyunwoo catches Hyungwon’s eyes again, and steadies his gaze. Daring him to break the gaze. He doesn’t. Hyungwon breathes. In, out. It’s warm against Hyunwoo’s neck and shoulders. In, out. Screw soulmates, Hyunwoo thinks. Hyungwon is here, and he is real, and his lips are sweet, his body warm, presence enrapturing. And Hyunwoo would be damned if he’d let pain and scars dictate that he isn’t allowed to love him.

 

“A-as if you…”

 

“As if I love you?”

 

It’s phrased like a question, but Hyunwoo has never been more sure of anything. Hyungwon only stares in response, eyebrows furrowed as he bites down hard on his lip. (Hyunwoo’s lips begin to sting.) Hyunwoo wonders if he’s done something wrong – a misstep, the trigger for Hyungwon to never return.

 

“Hyunwoo…” An intake of breath. Hyungwon almost never calls him anything but _love_. “I have a boyfriend.”

 

Oh. Of course. Hyunwoo sends a quick mental apology to Hyungwon’s poor soulmate who probably had no idea some idiot had just confessed to his boyfriend. He thinks it’d be nice if the floor caved in and took him with it right now. Or alternatively lightning could break through the cement ceiling and strike him where he stands. Anything to avoid Hyungwon’s stare – he can’t understand it; Is he sorry? Does he pity him? Either way, Hyunwoo feels his eyes and cheeks burn. Where do they go from here? Where _can_ they go from here?

 

A soft touch. Hyungwon strokes his red cheeks with a gentle finger. Hyunwoo doesn’t meet his eyes. A breath. Hyungwon hesitates, lips slightly parted, looking like he wants to say something. But what is there to be said?

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Hyungwon squeezes his hand. Hyunwoo raises his eyes at last, and they can only look at each other. Hyungwon’s eyes shine with tears. Hyunwoo thinks, strangely, that he looks very human. They stay like this for a while. Hyunwoo rubs a thumb over the bruise on his knee. Hyungwon stares at it. Hyunwoo thinks a teardrop drips onto Hyungwon’s cheeks. Hyungwon lets his head drop onto his shoulder again.

 

The rain is ceaseless.

 

“Do you?” Hyungwon mumbles. “...love me?”

 

Hyunwoo nods. Does Hyungwon see?

 

“I’m sorry,” Hyungwon says again.

 

“Don’t be.”

 

Everything is quiet again. Hyunwoo wonders vaguely what his soulmate is up to, wherever he is. Does he know Hyunwoo is hiding from the rain, hand in hand with a boy that will never return his feelings? Would he care? Or is he too busy hiding, himself, momentarily safe from whatever broke his body (and Hyunwoo’s) every day? Does Hyunwoo care? Hyungwon pushes his soft cheek onto Hyunwoo’s shoulder, eyes drifting slowly shut. Hyunwoo doesn’t care.

 

They drown in the silence, and then it is gone.

 

The door slams open. Hyungwon grips his hand, eyes wide. Reality barges in in the form of Hyunwoo’s supervisor. Officer Lee, Hyunwoo’s very abrasive, usually missing-in-action supervisor. Hyunwoo usually sees him every other week, when he dropped in to show that he was still alive and still held this job (somehow). Tonight, he’s glaring at the both of them, an intimidating tower over their bodies.

 

“Son Hyunwoo! Am I paying you to sit around?”

 

Hyunwoo doesn’t register pushing Hyungwon off himself, but he finds himself getting to his feet, a million excuses at the tip of his tongue. Officer Lee shouts over him before he gets the chance to speak.

 

“And who the hell is this? You can’t bring your little friends wherever you want, this is a restricted area!”

 

Officer Lee turns his menacing glare on Hyungwon, who recoils. “Get out of here before I call the cops, kid.” Head down, Hyungwon all but runs out of the building. Hyunwoo doesn’t see his eyes, wide with terror, hands trembling uncontrollably. Hyunwoo doesn’t see when Hyungwon trips, stumbling in his hurry to leave. He vaguely winces as a small cut forms on his knee, but he’s too busy being yelled at to really care.

 

Worries about losing his job, and regrets about Hyungwon, plague him all night.

 

He’s still out of it when the maintenance workers arrive with their usual boisterous energy, wheeling in their cart of supplies. Kihyun nudges him as a greeting. Hyunwoo looks up, nodding slightly in response. The moonlight illuminates an old scar along Kihyun’s eyebrow, where the younger boy’s soulmate had gotten injured months ago. Hyunwoo’s eyes don’t move from there. Kihyun is one of the lucky many who have already met their soulmate, and Hyunwoo tries not to resent him for it.

 

He doesn’t say much to their greetings, nodding listlessly. He waves them in when their loud energy quiets down, noticing his tense state. From the corner of his eyes he sees Kihyun mouthing “What’s his problem?” in Jooheon’s direction. Jooheon shakes his head in an exaggerated gesture of confusion.

 

It only confuses him a little when the pair emerge from the building much earlier than usual. They don’t greet him goodbye, talking in hushed voices as they push their cart back to the van. Kihyun doesn’t look up when Hyunwoo raises a hand in farewell, typing quickly on his phone. Hyunwoo shrugs it off. It certainly isn’t the weirdest thing that’s happened today.

 

When everything’s quiet, Hyunwoo remembers Hyungwon.

 

* * *

 

**(5th day of October)**

 

Some days the pain is so much, Hyungwon can’t move for the intensity of it. He curls up in a fetal position and stays in bed. He loses hours like this, unmoving.

 

Sometimes he hears the sounds of conversation through the open door, some shouting, some threats. Junyoung has never been a peaceful man. More shouting. It’s closing in on him – the walls are made of this terror. He wants to run from it, or muffle it somehow. When he can’t move, those yells are worse than being beaten. Something smashes on the ground. It’s too close to where he is. The room isn’t safe, he isn’t safe – He can’t move to cover his ears.  
  
He closes his eyes instead. What time is it?

 

It must be early afternoon already; Sunlight streams in through a crack in the drawn curtains, washing the room in light. It’s a mess. A cluster of things are strewn across the floor. From the corner of his eyes, he can see a crack in the closet mirror where it had been smashed. His head hurts. He wonders if the sticky feeling on it is blood or sweat. A stinging pain tells him it’s probably the former.

 

As a child, he took care never to hurt himself. Any misstep or carelessness would form the same injuries on his soulmate’s skin, and how could he hurt the person he’s fated to love? (A part of little Hyungwon had simply wanted to know that all these marks only belonged to his soulmate, to have something to know them by. He had always been a hopeless romantic.)  
  
His bruises and cuts blend into each other, now. Hyunwoo’s childhood injuries are lost in the expanse of pain – he can’t even move to locate them now. Pain waits behind closed eyelids and every twist of the body, welcomes him with every breath, warms him in the freezing cold of his boyfriend’s bedroom, more familiar to him than anyone he’d ever known. _It hurts, it hurts, it hurts,_ is all he can think, and all he can do is think because he can’t move, it _hurts_ too much. He wants Hyunwoo.

 

And he’s wanted Hyunwoo longer than he can remember. As a child he’d always shown off his soulmate’s scars – the scraped knees and random bruises told Hyungwon that he wasn’t alone, that the person destined to love him was real. It had never mattered who his soulmate was (despite his parents’ casual reference to them as “she”), he had loved them since he was born. And Hyunwoo is a better man than he could have ever asked for.

 

_“Hey! You aren’t supposed to be in here.”_

 

_Hyungwon spun around when he’d heard the guard’s words. The moonlight illuminated the stranger’s face, and Hyungwon’s eyes immediately jumped to the bruise on the corner of his lips. His heart actually felt like it had dropped. Eyes fixed on the fading hues of black and blue, he tries to fight the urge to touch his own lips as the easing pain on his own mouth made itself apparent to him again._

 

 _His eyes travelled over the man, trying desperately to find proof that this random stranger was_ not _his soulmate. This was never how he imagined meeting him. The man backed off, a little. It tugged weirdly at his heart, but he swallowed his excitement._

 

_Hyungwon’s eyes travelled to a faded handprint around the guard’s wrist, the same spot where Junyoung had gripped him a little too tightly. His heart constricted as he continues to find reasons to deny what is right in front of him. The guard continued to stare. Hyungwon felt so transparent, under the x-ray scrutiny of those intense eyes. He wanted to hide. He let none of it show on his face, but keeps his expression neutral as he looks back steadily at the man._

 

_They talked a bit more, Hyungwon trying to maintain his cover as well as he can, as his world unravelled around him. His soulmate stood before him, bearing his scars, bearing his pain. He wanted to fall to his knees, beg for forgiveness. "Love" slips from his lips before he can help it – it felt ironic calling him that, this man that was at once a stranger and everything he'd ever longed for._

 

_The bag of pills was heavy in his pocket. He had to go. He stared at Hyunwoo a little longer, this soulmate he'd wanted to meet for his whole life. It felt damning to meet him there. He convinced him to let him enter, then headed off, and was interrupted mid-stride._

 

 _"_ _What's your name?"_

 _  
_ _"Hyungwon. What's yours, love?"_

  
  
Hyungwon calls everybody "love". Does Hyunwoo know he really means it? Does Hyunwoo know he's loved him his entire life? Hyungwon knows Hyunwoo now, his name and his face, and the way he gets excited before eating, and the way his arms feel around his shoulders when they sit side by side hiding from the rain. And yet, Hyunwoo is as far from him now as he's ever been.

  
  
The noise outside surrounds Hyungwon like a cage. He cowers under the sheets but can't push the cacophony away. He puts his head down and stops dreaming of impossible things.

 

His phone buzzes from somewhere in the blankets, among the tangled sheets he had thrown himself into when he’d finally gotten to rest. He reaches for it lazily, nudging it bit by bit until it’s close enough for him to grab hold of it.

 

**JOOHEON:**

_You know he’d have killed me if i didnt tell him_

_About the drugs i mean_

_Why didn’t you stash them?_

_Are you okay though?_

_I’m so sorry.._

 

Hyungwon lets the phone drop from his phone, pushing it away in annoyance. Jooheon’s guilt does not need tending to. If he’s being honest, _he’s_ the one who needs some serious tending to. There’s definitely something broken in his body, but bruises bloom over old scars and blood spills over healed injuries, so he can’t tell where he’s most hurt.

 

The door opens by a fraction. Hyungwon freezes. The sounds of shouting get louder with the open door, but Hyungwon doesn’t dare to move. Often, what’s on the other side of the door is only brings pain. He doesn’t welcome it. The huge bed somehow doesn’t give him room to run, just exposes him more. He relaxes when soft footsteps approach him, gentler than anything he’d heard for the last few hours. The side of the bed is weighed down with a familiar warmth, and Hyungwon reaches for it.

 

A large hand envelopes his, squeezing affectionately. Minhyuk smiles down at him. He smiles back, a little. Minhyuk strokes his hair too gently, and he loses himself too easily to it. He closes his eyes and lets himself be vulnerable for a moment. The pain dulls just a bit. Minhyuk’s presence quiets the chaos like it always has.

 

_(When Hyungwon was eighteen, Junyoung had brought a party of scary men to their house. It had been a month since they began dating. Hyungwon knew by then that Junyoung was involved with things his parents would never approve of him messing around with. But seeing this tough looking group, with danger in their voices and weapons hidden in their clothes, he can’t help but draw back a little, hiding behind his boyfriend._

 

_The meeting escalated, as these things always went. Hyungwon, experiencing it for the first time, had been terrified. Minhyuk, a new recruit of their little ‘organisation’, had quietly removed Hyungwon from the situation. He’d been the peace to the rest of the world’s chaos.)_

 

“Will you be okay?” Minhyuk whispers. Hyungwon can’t say yes. Minhyuk understands. He curls a finger under Hyungwon’s chin, just below a painful bruise, making him hiss slightly. Hyunwoo probably has an identical one, though he wouldn’t share the memory. _(Shouting, cowering, a flying fist – Hyungwon couldn’t dodge or run, he couldn’t––)_

 

Minhyuk edges closer to him on the bed. An arm around his shoulders, a kiss pressed to his hand. Hyungwon used to imagine wildly that Minhyuk could be his soulmate. He knows now, eyes fixed on the raised skin above Minhyuk’s eyebrow, watching Minhyuk as he pulls the sheets around the two of them, that it could never be true. It is too easy to let himself love, much harder to let himself be loved. He remembers Hyunwoo – the raw profession of love, the red cheeks, the silent i-wish-you-knew – and feels guilty for even thinking of Minhyuk like this anymore.

 

These days, everything comes back to Hyunwoo. Hyungwon thinks Hyunwoo must be sick of him getting beat up every day. Hyunwoo deserves more than this – he’s too good to be sharing Hyungwon’s hurt. Hyungwon wants to scrub them both clean, wipe away the scars and bruises, wants put himself back together somehow so Hyunwoo won’t have to live in such a broken body. He wants, he wants. He wants Hyunwoo.

 

“Boss doesn’t want you going back there for a while.”

 

He nods. Minhyuk snakes an arm around him under the blanket, pulling him closer.

 

“For now, just rest.”


	2. Chapter Two.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ( and rain will make the flowers grow )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the 2nd (and final) chapter. I hope it doesn't disappoint!

Hyunwoo thinks he should probably take the day off.

 

His mysterious soulmate had woken him around 4am in a shower of red, his pillow stained with dried blood, with a searing pain on his forehead pointing to the source. He’d reached up to see if there was more blood and suddenly everything had hurt, ripping a shout from him. Whoever his soulmate was, wherever they were, they must be going through some shit. He had worried, for a bit. Then Changkyun had entered, having been woken by his shout. He fussed over him for what felt like hours, before leaving to get Hoseok so he could do the same thing over again.

 

With their hovering, it had taken him a while to get back to sleep. When he did, he was plagued by pain and worry. Is his soulmate okay? Whoever they are, for whatever reason that they’re always in so much pain – will they be okay? He hadn’t worried about them in so long, it felt entrapping. He can never do anything about this worry, and the anxiety had lodged in his chest, spreading over it like a vice.

 

He’s finally awake now at 2pm. He’d surprisingly slept for an unnaturally long time, but Hoseok and Changkyun don’t bother him about it too much, eyes lingering too long on his injuries. They sit together on the couch, Hoseok burrowed into Changkyun’s chest, talking softly. Hyunwoo _isn’t_ jealous. He turns away from the display of affection, heading back to his room to change and get ready for lecture. Sitting around at home groaning about a few injuries isn’t going to bring him his A grade, after all.

 

Despite his bravado, he’s distracted all throughout lecture. People keep _staring_ at him. The bruises on his body can be covered up by clothes, but the big plaster on his forehead isn’t as easily hidden. He tries to focus on the lecture. There’s little point in working the night-shift at the most exhausting job in the world to pay for his education, if he’s not even going to do well in school. He tries to ignore the pain, and the stares.

 

But he can’t pretend that the distraction is entirely due to the physical pain. Thoughts of Hyungwon fill his already aching head. In his mind’s eye, he can only see Hyungwon – his beautiful eyes widened in surprise at Hyunwoo’s confession, then brimmed over with unexplained tears, how his voice had been so painfully soft as he talked to him after, how his hands shook uncontrollably as he’d all but run from the building. Everything about Hyungwon and everything about the previous night haunt him as he attempts to concentrate on the slides and notes.

 

When he exits the lecture hall at 7.30pm, he hasn’t learnt shit. It’s his own fault, of course, but he still thinks he’d have been better off at home sleeping off the pain. Skipping work is definitely not an option – not when he's just gotten screamed at for fucking up. He remembers, again, the terror on Hyungwon's face as he had dashed out of the building. He wonders if he'll see him again today.   
  
When had he fallen so pathetically for such an unreachable man? Why was he pining for someone else's soulmate when the pain of his own is all over his body, practically screaming for his help? He shakes the desperate thoughts out of his head. It's way too early to be spiralling about destiny and love (and Hyungwon). The night air is cold. He tugs his jacket around his shoulders and heads home. A quick nap would do him some good before the long night ahead of him.   
  
Changkyun wakes him when there's an hour to his shift. He groans, but lets Changkyun drag him out of bed.   
  
"Are you sure you should be going to work today?" He looks up to meet Changkyun's wide concerned eyes. He shrugs, and doesn't say anything when Changkyun's eyes drift over his injuries again. It's garish, he knows. But it's still not his to hide. Especially not when he's pushed away the rest of the traces of his soulmate so determinedly. Their pain, at least, he'll wear visibly. Their love? He's not too sure.   
  
(Plump lips and starry eyes burn into the backs of his eyelids.)   
  
He waves off Changkyun's worries and heads to work.

 

The usual hour comes and goes. Hyungwon doesn't show up. Hyunwoo thinks he's probably chased him away for good, now. He tries to regret his rash confession. The regret is undercut by the memory of a soft hand on his cheek and the feeling of Hyungwon burrowing into him. But Hyungwon's absence empties the place somehow – returns it the desolation it had before Hyungwon had strode in and claimed his place there.  

 

Hyunwoo feels wrong for missing him. He tries to explain away his worries – there are often days when Hyungwon doesn't come. None of those days have ever felt as final as this day does. He ignores the anxiety bubbling in his chest.

 

* * *

 

**(17th day of October)**

 

Two weeks later, the anxiety has bubbled over, doubled and tripled. Hyungwon hasn't shown up once. Hyunwoo can't put his feelings into words, this fear that Hyungwon's truly never coming back. Hyungwon's like a will-o-the-wisp, the unreachable phantom light that leads one astray and is never again found. No matter how much travellers are warned, they still follow that light and allow themselves to lose their path. He's more of an idiot than those mythical travellers, pining after a boy who'd all but disappeared.   
  
How he'd gotten so attached to someone like Hyungwon, he'll never understand.  But he does understand that he desperately, impossibly loves Hyungwon. He's also coming to understand that he'll probably never see Hyungwon again. He tells himself he'll be okay. Even the universe knew they weren't supposed to be together. He rubs at the old bruises along his arm and feels guilty again.   
  
Lost in his thoughts, Hyunwoo nearly doesn't hear the footsteps past the guardpost. They speed up as the rain starts. Hyunwoo's heart does _not_ skip. He goes after the sound of those confident strides. The rain splashes on him, a downpour now that it's gotten started. He ignores it in favour of chasing Hyungwon.   
  
The figure suddenly stops in their tracks. When he makes eye contact with the man, who is decidedly not Hyungwon, he has to step back. The intense eyes glare at him as if he's walked in on something he isn't allowed to see. The man is dressed in a leather jacket, like Hyungwon always was. Like Hyungwon, he seems to have no regard for the rain dripping all over his face. He's handsome, too – is there a place beautiful people are made? But Hyungwon, unlike this dazzling stranger, has never looked at him with so much distrust.   
  
"You aren't supposed to be here," he tells the stranger, who doesn't really seem to give a shit.   
  
"Is it really a big deal? It's not like I'm going to break anything." The man seems annoyed, waving Hyunwoo off dismissively. He turns to head back to the building. Hyunwoo swiftly blocks his path, towering over his comparatively smaller frame.   
  
"You don't have clearance to enter. I'm going to have to ask you to leave, sir. I don’t want to use force."   
  
The man narrows his eyes at him. He spits his next words like a weapon, pushing Hyunwoo away with one hand as he spoke. "You're Hyunwoo, right? Don't you have better things to do? Like sit on your ass doing nothing? Honestly, I've never met a guard more annoying. Just move, man."

 

Hyunwoo catches sight of a familiar scar along the man's eyebrows. His answer comes before he can wrack his brains wondering where he’d seen it before. Noise rushes in, taking the form of the two most talkative guys on the planet. He hears the familiar roll of the cart's wheels, then Kihyun and Jooheon are standing on either side of him.   
  
"Hey, hyung!" Jooheon punches his shoulder playfully. Kihyun pushes the cart to the door of the building, nodding at Hyunwoo in greeting. The same scar lines his face. The intruder smiles for the first time, raising his hand to wave. Kihyun's face lights up as he makes his way to his soulmate. Hyunwoo watches them detachedly, as if he's watching a new character being introduced on a show. Jooheon ignores the couple, unloading the maintenance supplies into the entrance. It continues to rain on Hyunwoo as Kihyun takes the hands of the now-smiling Minhyuk.   
  
"Sorry hyung, I told Minhyuk to meet me here. I hope it’s not a big deal!"

 

Hyunwoo tells them it's not, and removes himself from the scene. Minhyuk looks triumphant, entering the building with a hand in his pocket and Kihyun's hand thrown casually around his shoulders.

 

* * *

 

**(18th day of October)**

 

"I think I've definitely scared him off," Hyunwoo tells Hoseok.

 

Hoseok doesn't know much about what the relationship between him and Hyungwon is like. But being his best friend, he can see when Hyunwoo is pining. And however much Hyunwoo wants to deny it, he _is_ pining. He tells Hoseok everything a night after the Minhyuk incident. Hoseok tries to be sympathetic, but he doesn't really understand, Hyunwoo can tell. Hoseok and Changkyun are as whipped for each other as any pair of soulmates can be. He'd never understand the feeling of longing for someone else.   
  
Changkyun lounges in the chair next to them, apparently asleep. Changkyun is as much a part of Hyunwoo's life as Hoseok is. It had been this way since the two had met at a random supermarket (Hoseok, seeing the younger boy, had immediately rammed his hand into a wall, causing Changkyun to curse in pain), and they had been inseparable since. Hyunwoo doesn't mind it, most days. They're disgustingly affectionate, but he knows he's mostly just jealous.   
  
"I think you should be more worried about the fact that they seem to be coming to the building based on a schedule. Does this Minhyuk person know your Hyungwon?" Changkyun speaks suddenly as if he's been awake the whole time. Hyunwoo ignores the "your Hyungwon" part and tries to remember if Hyungwon's ever mentioned anyone named Minhyuk. He can't recall any mention.   
  
"Maybe you should check the building? Some shady people like to use abandoned buildings for illegal stuff."

 

Hyunwoo reluctantly follows Changkyun's advice.

 

Hyunwoo returns to the building that night, knowing no one will notice him leaving his post for a few minutes or so. He searches the building and finds nothing but dust. A little mean-spiritedly, he thinks Kihyun and Jooheon seriously love to slack off.

 

His eyes drift inadvertently to the spot where he'd sat just weeks ago, side by side with someone else's soulmate. He turns resolutely away from that final scene. Hyungwon had been right there, whispering apologies for something that wasn't his fault, giving Hyunwoo all the tenderness he didn’t deserve, eyes brimming over with tears. Hyunwoo sighs. No use crying over lost not-soulmates, he supposes.

 

It’s 2am. Hyunwoo returns to the dingy office and watches nothing happen, _not_ thinking about where Hyungwon could be. Neither Minhyuk nor Hyungwon show up.

 

* * *

 

**(19th day of October)**

 

Hyungwon can’t say he isn’t used to luxury.

 

He opens the door of the bedroom and heads into a large hallway, passing by some guest rooms on his way to the living room. The house is empty again, his boyfriend having left an hour ago to do god-knows-what. The windows of the living room are huge and transparent, in true penthouse style. Anyone can see the beautiful decor, the hanging lights shining over the meticulously chosen furniture. The penthouse sits on the top two floors of the apartment building, proudly displaying the very picture of wealth.

 

Growing up in Gwangju, he’d been blessed with comfort. His family wasn’t excessively rich, and hated to be referred to as such, preferring the term “comfortable”. Still, his parents made a good living, co-owning a small tour agency, and had always wanted their sons to have the best they could provide. Hyungwon had grown up with a good education and good background, with a support network that went out of their way to care for him. Thinking back, he can admit now that he was a little pampered.

 

( _“This is the best we can do, Hyungwon.” His mother’s eyes were always warm, even then as she stood telling him to get out of her house. Hyungwon’s nails dug into his palms. He wanted to say something, anything to take his confession back and go back to being their son._

 

_The Chae family had always been known for their exemplary character, their flourishing tourism agency, their lovely, well-mannered children. He knew his parents would never let their reputation be tainted by having a son who was gay. Hyungwon’s father had never before looked at him with so much disgust. Hyungwon wanted to hide from it, to close his eyes and open them again and somehow see a different reality._

 

_“You have a week to find a new place.”)_

 

Looking around Junyoung’s stunning apartment, he knows he’s still a little pampered. Something glimmers on his wrist: the bracelet he’d been presented with that morning. When Junyoung is not in his violent moods, or sometimes to apologise for them, he likes to come home with presents. Those are the times Hyungwon likes best – when he doesn’t have to look for places to hide in the open expanse of the house, when Junyoung smiles and when he kisses his forehead, when he is gentle instead of loud and terrifying, when he can remember the reason he’d fallen for him in the first place.

 

Below the glittering gold of the bracelet, a red-blue bruise spreads over his wrist. He reminds himself not to be so easy.  

 

* * *

 

**(23rd day of October)**

 

It’s 3.30am in the 3rd week of not seeing Hyungwon, and Hyunwoo has been gradually getting used to being alone in these hours. Silence, crickets, and cars driving by occasionally don’t make for good company. Even the usual painful ‘gifts’ from his soulmate have mostly gone away, leaving him numb and pining for a boy who he’d possibly never see again. It’s 3.30am and Hyunwoo’s fingers go slack around his phone, his head slowly drooping… ––

 

A series of sharp knocks on the window wakes Hyunwoo from his accidental nap.

 

“Not sleeping on the job, are you?”

 

He can’t help the smile on his face at the sound of Hyungwon’s voice. The boy he has been missing stands illuminated by the moonlight, a mask over his mouth, comfortable in a pullover and jeans, giving him a little finger wave. Even with half his face covered by a mask, Hyungwon is radiant. His eyes turn into crescents as he smiles behind the mask, looking in Hyunwoo’s direction. Hyunwoo’s heart soars.

 

The door swings open and Hyungwon’s gangly form crowds the already cramped room. Hyunwoo tries to breathe.

 

“And where have you been?” Hyunwoo hopes he’s not miserably failing in his attempt to keep his tone light and teasing.

 

“Why, did you miss me, love?”

 

Thankfully, Hyungwon barks out a laugh before Hyunwoo can start spluttering. The laughter rings through the silence, and Hyunwoo grins. Hyungwon crowds Hyunwoo further into the room, sitting gingerly on the edge of the messy table. Their eyes meet for a millisecond, but Hyungwon looks away as soon as it happens. Hyunwoo at least knows him well enough to know he’s hiding something.

 

Should he ask? He doesn’t.

 

Hyungwon reaches out to sweep some paperwork to the corner of the desk, a gold bracelet adorning his wrist. Without any hesitation, he pulls himself more comfortably onto the table, and looks down at Hyunwoo from where he sits. He looks a little plainer today – the absence of the usual glittery eyelids and dark eyeliner made him softer. Hyunwoo swallows the urge to kiss him again. (It hadn’t turned out so well the last time.)

 

They sit quietly. Hyunwoo can’t find words to fill up the empty air. He finds he doesn’t really want Hyungwon here as much as he thought he did, during the past few weeks of endless pining. Even as Hyungwon flashes him a quick smile before turning his gaze to his phone, he feels like Hyungwon isn’t there at all. Hyungwon rests his head lightly against the wall, focused on some game that was making bright colours appear on his face.

 

When Hyungwon gets up to head into the building, he holds out a hand to Hyunwoo. His easy smile almost convinced Hyunwoo that nothing had changed, that he hadn’t blurted his feelings and ruined everything between them. Almost. He doesn’t take Hyungwon’s hand. Hyungwon looks a little miffed but doesn’t press the matter, withdrawing his hand. He slides off the desk with an easy grace. Hyunwoo still follows him out the door.

 

The building is cold when they enter. Hyungwon walks ahead, seemingly uncaring of whether or not Hyunwoo trails behind. Hyunwoo looks around the familiar space. The same drab walls, the same dusty floor, unaffected by stupid confessions and oblivious to the universe's will. He'd loved Hyungwon here. He'd probably lost Hyungwon here. If he had, he can blame no one but himself. He shakes the self-hate out of his mind.   
  
"So, why the mask?" He asks, if only to fill up the silence with something other than negative thoughts. Hyungwon looks over his shoulder at Hyunwoo. He seems almost surprised to see him a few stops behind, like he'd been sure he'd left him behind at the guard post. Then he stops mid-stride, and waits for Hyunwoo to get to where he stands. Hyunwoo finds himself speeding up to get to him. When they're side by side, Hyungwon reaches for his hand. This time, Hyunwoo doesn't pull back when their fingers touch, and Hyungwon grips him tight.   
  
Remembering the question, Hyungwon tells him, "I caught a cold. I didn't want you to– I didn't want to pass it on to anyone."   
  
Then Hyungwon sits, plopping himself down as he always did. Hyunwoo joins him. Hyungwon hums some song stuck in his head as he fishes in his pockets for his phone, seemingly happy to ignore Hyunwoo. Their fingers are still intertwined. Hyungwon squeezes tight, every few moments. Like he's trying to tell Hyunwoo he still wants him to stay. That's okay. Hyunwoo is happy to leave Hyungwon be. He's here, after all. That's more than he's had for at least the past few weeks. The fact that Hyungwon came back at all is miracle enough.   
  
"I missed you, you know."   
  
Hyungwon doesn't look at Hyunwoo when he tells him those words. He's still playing some game on his phone, eyes downcast like he's afraid to meet Hyunwoo's eyes.   
  
"I hope you weren't worried." Hyunwoo shook his head, you know, like a liar. Of course he hadn't worried. That's about as likely as him stupidly pining after someone else's boyfriend. Of course he'd never do that. Hyungwon asks him about how he's been, and he obediently recounts his boring past weeks. Hyungwon is biting his lip when he's done, looking confused.   
  
Hyunwoo remembers Minhyuk. He wonders how he'd forgotten. Then he wonders if Hyungwon knew about the incident. But how could he know? He'd been away for weeks. Changkyun's voice in his head reminds him of the strange pattern – had Minhyuk really been at the building in Hyungwon's stead? Hyunwoo's search of the place had uncovered nothing, but he can tell that Hyungwon has to be hiding something. It wouldn't hurt to ask, he supposes.   
  
"Do you know Minhyuk?" Hyungwon's eyes widen. Even behind the mask, he can see his shocked expression. It's gone as quickly as it comes, and Hyungwon hastily makes himself look neutral.   
  
"Minhyuk? I d-don't think I do." There's a tremor in Hyungwon's voice. Hyunwoo knows they both can hear it. Hyungwon subtly twists away from him, picking listlessly at his nails, looking everywhere but at Hyunwoo. He wishes Hyungwon would stop pretending, stop hiding so much from him. Maybe they weren't soulmates, but was Hyunwoo wrong to at least think they were close enough friends for Hyungwon to trust him?   
  
He can't help the exasperated sigh that escapes him. Hyungwon flinches ever so slightly, head bowed. He looks up at Hyunwoo, finally. His eyes shine with tears.   
  
"Please stop lying to me, Won."   
  
"I'm not! Really. I don't know who that is..."   
  
Hyunwoo's hands ball into fists. He swallows his anger.   
  
"If you're going to keep secrets, at least respect me enough to be open about it. How long have we known each other? You think I can't tell when you're lying?"   
  
Hyungwon turns away from his words as if they're a punch to the face. In one swift motion, he's on his feet. Hyunwoo thinks for a split second that he's going to leave, stride out the door and never return.   
  
"Fine. I'm lying." Hyungwon spits. "Yes, I know Minhyuk. He's my best friend. What's it to you? It doesn't affect you, so why must you push? Why does it matter who I know and what I do? I'm not yours."   
  
  
Hyungwon says the word "yours" with a sneer, like he's physically disgusted at the thought. It doesn't hurt.   
  
"If it's not a big deal, then why'd you lie?" Hyunwoo shoots back. "If he's your best friend, why would you hide that? Why was he so aggressive about getting into the building? Did you send him?"   


It's Hyungwon's turn to sigh, back facing him. He ignores Hyunwoo's questions.   
  
"Six months."  
  
"What?"   
  
"We've known each other for six months. That's not very long. Honestly, we're basically strangers. What right to you have to say you know me? What right do you have to question me? Why must you push so hard? You don't know anything about me, so just leave me alone."  
  
"Then at least tell me this. Did you really come here to hide from the rain?"  
  
It gets very quiet.   
  
Hyungwon's eyes are all cold fury. He turns to leave. Hyunwoo reaches for him before he can even think about his actions. His fingers grip Hyungwon's wrist in a desperate attempt to beg him to stay (I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please don't go). Hyungwon lets out a sharp gasp, and wrenches his hand out of Hyunwoo's.   
  
Black and blue marks Hyungwon's bony wrist in the vague pattern of the bruise that had appeared on Hyunwoo's wrist a few days ago. Could it be? It's the 23rd of November, almost dawn. He stares Hyungwon in the eyes as the other's tears finally spill over. He lets out a sob, and sways like he may fall to his knees.   
  
"This doesn't mean what you think it does." Hyungwon lies, cheeks wet with tears. Hyunwoo lets him lie. Maybe he isn't lying – he can't possibly see Hyungwon's face to see if their faces were scarred in the same areas too.   
  
What can he possibly say?   
  
"Please, love," Hyungwon pleads. "Hyunwoo, please.. just leave me alone. You should get back to work."   
  
Hyunwoo leaves, head reeling.   
  
**WON:**   
_stashed them_

 

**JUNYOUNG ♡:**   
_okay, come home_   
make sure no one finds them   
  
Hyunwoo stares resolutely at a streetlight in the distance, pretending not to notice Hyungwon walking by. Hyungwon doesn’t stride, now, but drags his feet along as if the last thing he’d like to do is move. He turns to Hyunwoo like he wants to say something, but leaves without a word. Hyunwoo has nothing to say to him, anyway. And when Kihyun and Jooheon come in, with their usual loud energy, if Hyunwoo looks at them with slightly narrowed eyes, then that’s nobody’s business but his.

 

* * *

 

 

**(24th day of October)**

 

Hyungwon doesn't tell Junyoung anything when he asks if anything happened at the drop site. It's nothing Junyoung needs to concern himself with, and Hyungwon can already predict the onslaught of pain if his boyfriend ever found out about Hyunwoo.   
  
He sits in bed and wonders if the secret's out. Hyunwoo had seen the bruise on his wrist, but it had been dark. Does he suspect anything? His heart constricts at the thought of Hyunwoo knowing about him. If Hyunwoo found out that Hyungwon had been lying about everything, most of all this, he'd lose him forever. And if he didn't, and Hyunwoo loved him still, nothing at all would change. Because having a soulmate isn't like what Hyungwon thought it'd be like, before he met Hyunwoo.   
  
Hyungwon had known Junyoung wasn't his soulmate from the very moment they'd met. He's well dressed, cleaned up, and Hyungwon looks and doesn't find a scar on Junyoung's neck matching his own. He'd had the scar since he was seven, it had appeared on his neck when he was eating lunch, and his mother had tsked and said his soulmate should be more careful when playing. It had faded a little over the years, but it's still here. He'd known Junyoung wasn't his soulmate, but he'd let him take him anyway.   
  
Maybe it was teenage naivete, maybe it was spite towards his parents, maybe he just wanted to be taken care of. Junyoung, with his charming air, and the way he'd been so ready to pamper him – he'd seemed perfect. In that moment, Hyungwon could care less that Junyoung wasn't his soulmate. Who cared what the universe thought? The universe had decreed that he would be thrown out. From then on, his fate would be his own.   
  
Junyoung rolls over to him, on the bed. Hyungwon tries not to turn away too visibly. He lets his boyfriend hold his hand as he thinks of Hyunwoo. He knows he can't have him. Junyoung's grip is tight, unwilling to let him go, even in his sleep. Hyungwon knows there's nothing even his soulmate can do to break the hold.   


 

* * *

 

  
Hoseok and Changkyun don't say a word even though they see Hyunwoo stare at his wrist all morning. He stares and stares, like doing so will clear the confusion away. Had he really seen this same colouring on Hyungwon's fingers last night? Or was it a trick of the light, the universe's cruel prank to drive it in further that he can't have Hyungwon? He runs a finger over the bruise, presses a little and winces in pain. Is Hyungwon the one whose pain he'd been feeling for his whole life?   
  
"This doesn't mean what you think it does," Hyungwon had insisted last night. He doesn't know whether to believe it. Hyungwon has been lying to him as long as they've known each other. Hyunwoo hurts to think of it – the boy he loved (still loves, desperately), the boy he'd confessed to, hiding from him all the while. He hates the feeling of spiralling, being unable to control his feelings. ( _"What right to you have to say you know me?"_ Hyungwon hisses in his head. None, none at all, apparently.)   
  
Hyungwon had left quietly last night without a look back. Was he running away? Hyunwoo burns with the need to know – what can he be hiding? Hyungwon, like the very first night they met, is still full of secrets. Does Hyunwoo know anything at all about him?   
  
Hyunwoo doesn’t expect to see Hyungwon that night. Hyungwon, seemingly always striving to do the unexpected, comes anyway.   
  
It’s just an hour past midnight. Hyunwoo is returning from a quick coffee break, dragging his feet to many more hours of boring work. He sees Hyungwon walking ahead. There’s something off about him today, possible soulmate connection notwithstanding. He seems… tired? Hyunwoo can hear the faint sounds of shuffling, like Hyungwon can barely lift his feet. He worries, despite himself. Hyunwoo, having some common sense after six months of oblivious carelessness, reaches for his torchlight like it’s a weapon. Hyungwon keeps shuffling on, not noticing Hyunwoo noiselessly shadowing him.   
  
Hyungwon keeps on looking around, like he's afraid someone will see him. Hyunwoo stops a few steps away from the building, silently watching Hyungwon enter. He's at an impasse. If he walks in, and Hyungwon is sitting quietly, what can he possibly say to him? "Hey, Won, I followed you like a silent stalker because I'm worried you're a criminal. By the way, we have a similar bruise, could that mean you're my soulmate?" And what if his suspicions are right? What will he do if Hyungwon is in there, doing something Hyunwoo has to report?   
  
Soulmates or not, criminal activity or not, can Hyunwoo bear to let him go? He doesn't let himself dwell on it. The old expression that ignorance is bliss cannot apply to this situation. A few breaths later, he somehow brings himself to open the door, slowly, silently. He almost wants to close his eyes to avoid seeing whatever's going on inside, but he knows that's an idiotic move.   
  
He keeps his eyes open. This is what he sees:   
  
Hyungwon's hands shake only a little as he pries off a dislodged tile from the dusty floor like he's done it a million times before. Hyunwoo can't mistake the bags that are in Hyungwon's hands for anything else. He still stares at them as if that'll make them morph into something else.Hyunwoo can't tear his eyes away from the white powder – the drugs, the reason Hyungwon came to see him every other day, the only reason he knew and loved him at all. He nearly stops loving him right then, but he can't.   
  
"Hey!" He calls, if only to let Hyungwon know of his presence. Hyungwon whips around immediately, eyes wide. The last bag is still in his hands, and he drops it. The mask is on his face like yesterday, but the shock is apparent on his face anyway. They both look down at the bag. It feels like there are no words to be said.   
  
"Hyunwoo..." Hyungwon's voice is so small. He shakes his head, wide eyes begging Hyunwoo wordlessly. "You can't report this. Please, Hyunwoo. Please don't."   
  
Hyunwoo has always hated the feeling of being wronged. When he was a child, and his parents took his cousin's side over his after a screaming fight, he'd felt wronged. _But I'm in the right_ , he screamed and cried, _why are you scolding me?_ He feels the same way now, and he hates it. He hates Hyungwon for wronging him. _But I'm in the right_ , he screamed in his own head, _why do you make me feel like the villain? Is it my fault that you've been taking advantage of my trust to transport drugs?_   
  
"How can I not report it?" He bites out, trying to keep any emotion out of his voice. "It's my fucking job, Hyungwon."   
  
Hyungwon's eyes are teary again. The feeling of being wronged grows stronger by the minute. He wants to shake that expression off of Hyungwon's face. Are you wrong, or am I wrong? Hyungwon approaches him, silently, head hung. He reaches for Hyunwoo's hands, but Hyunwoo pulls away. Hyungwon doesn't try again. That hurts too.   
  
"I confessed to you, Hyungwon. I told you I loved you."   
  
Silence. Unending silence.   
  
"I guess it wasn't the same for you. I trusted you because I loved you but this was just a convenient place for you to stash your drugs, right?"   
  
Hyungwon can only shake his head uselessly. Hyunwoo doesn't want to hurt him, really. He just wants to let him know how much he hurts. What amounts of pain, what amounts of suffering, can it take to make Hyungwon human? To make him care?   
  
"Hyunwoo... It wasn't like that. Please, believe me."   
  
Even now, Hyunwoo feels like he'll do anything Hyungwon asks. But he doesn't even know what Hyungwon wants him to believe. Hyungwon doesn't elaborate, doesn't beg further, just looks at him with those doll eyes, begging, pleading, commanding him to stay silent. He tears himself away, unable to keep their gaze. His eyes land on something else, something on the side of Hyungwon's neck he hadn't noticed before.   
  
Years before, at a grocery store, Hyunwoo's best friend had smashed his hand into a wall and met the love of his life. One moment, he was a dumb college student floating through life, side by side with equally clueless Hyunwoo. The next, Changkyun had entered both their lives and never left, and Hoseok was filled with new inspiration, with the presence of his soulmate. Everything changes in an instant just like this. Just like this.   
  
Hyunwoo's hand goes to his neck, feeling the old, old scar there. His eyes don't move from the spot on Hyungwon's neck. The exact scarring, splotches of brown here, a spot of black there. Like identical artworks. But Hyungwon's, of course, is a replica. For his whole life, Hyunwoo had searched for his soulmate. His whole adult life, he'd all but given up – they were suffering somewhere he could never reach.   
  
But Hyungwon's right here. He's right here, and Hyunwoo still can't reach him. He nearly collapses with the weight of it. Hyungwon's staring at the ground now. He hasn't realised. His fingers tremble ever so slightly, and he lets himself fall silently to sit on the ground. Waiting for Hyunwoo to decide on his sentence.   
  
Now that he thinks of it, Hyungwon always seemed to wear more make-up on the days where Hyunwoo woke up with terrible injuries on his face, painful spots along his jaw – to hide them, but from who? From Hyunwoo? When Hyunwoo had desperately been looking for his soulmate, desperately waiting for the person who'd make the universe right, he'd always been right here, hiding from him.   
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" He asks. Hyungwon looks up, confusion clouding his eyes for a moment. Then he sees Hyunwoo's hand on his neck, and it clears away. He bites his lip hard. It hurts for Hyunwoo too. He seems to realise this and stops. "I mean, I couldn't see your bruises because of all the make-up. But I've never bothered to hide mine, right? What did I do to you that was so wrong that you think I don't deserve to know?"   
  
Hyungwon stutters, splutters, but doesn't say anything.   
  
"Why didn't you tell me?"   
  
"Because it doesn't matter."   
  
"What?"   
  
"It doesn't matter that we're soulmates. I really wish it did. God, Hyunwoo, I really fucking wish I could be with you. You have no idea how long I've loved you. But I can't, so why should it matter?"

 

Hyunwoo wants to go back to before anything had happened, before the discovery, before the confession. At least before, he could have pretended nothing was wrong. Ignorance is bliss, after all.

  
"I have a boyfriend, Hyunwoo. And he's... he's not my soulmate, obviously. But he doesn't care, and he's terrifying, and he hurts me, Hyunwoo. He hurts me so much and I'm so fucking scared of him. I love you, I love you, I love you so fucking much but he'd kill me if he knew. And he'd probably kill you too. Do you understand? I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to get caught up in all this."   
  
Ignorance is bliss.   
  
"So just stay out of it, please. I can't let you get hurt, love. Please?"   
  
He has never been able to say no to Hyungwon.

 

* * *

 

**(31st day of October)**   


Hyunwoo tries not to let the panic rise, on the seventh night of not seeing Hyungwon. He desperately searches his body for fresh injuries, and finds none. He goes on Google and types in the search bar "can you feel it if your soulmate dies", but hastily presses delete before he can consider clicking enter. It's okay, he convinces himself, it's not the first time Hyungwon stays away for a long time.

 

Can you feel it if your soulmate dies?

 

His fingers tap familiar numbers on his phone screen, and presses call.   
  
"Hello?" Hoseok's voice is muffled from sleep, sounding a little annoyed at being woken at 5am. "Hyunwoo? What's up?"   
  
The question hangs on his lips. He doesn't ask.   
  
"Sorry for waking you. I'm just... not feeling great right now, I guess. Could you, maybe, just talk to me for a while? It's okay if you don't wanna."   
  
But Hoseok's his best friend, so of course he does. Hyunwoo lets Hoseok distract him, saying this and that, talking about his day. He’s so thankful for him. He tries not to think about Hyungwon, even though the anxiety eats at his heart, making it a little hard to breathe. Hoseok laughs loudly at his own joke and quiets down, Changkyun’s sleepy whines sounding from the phone.

 

Everything is normal. Hyunwoo is calm by the time Hoseok starts drifting off again, and hangs up.

 

When he looks up from his phone, Hyungwon is at the gate.

 

He walks steadily, and Hyunwoo is sure he’s going to walk past him and into the building without any acknowledgement — like Hyunwoo is just the pushover guard that lets the pretty boy into the building he’s meant to be protecting, and the past few months didn’t happen and they’re back to being strangers. Then Hyungwon stops at the door, and waits for Hyunwoo to let him in.

 

Hyunwoo does without hesitation.

 

“I thought you’d never come back,” he says, his tone accusatory. “It’s been a week.”

 

Hyungwon just shrugs with his usual unaffected air. Hyunwoo laughs because he knows it’s just an air. Hyungwon walks in quickly and, without warning, makes a mad dash to steal Hyunwoo’s chair, pouting when Hyunwoo makes it there before him. He pushes Hyunwoo without much force, trying and failing to bully him off the seat.

 

The best thing about Hyungwon is how he manages to ground Hyunwoo. Even in the chaos of the past few months, even with all the times Hyunwoo was terrified he’d lose Hyungwon forever – he’s still here. He’s here, he’s human, and he glares at Hyunwoo as he tugs at his arm, as if he could possibly fight him and win. Hyungwon is chaos, but he calms for Hyunwoo. Hyunwoo grins as the stubborn bastard finally gives up

 

“I wasn’t gonna come back.” Hyungwon admits it quietly.

 

Hyunwoo doesn’t ask why he did. A low rumble of thunder warns them that it’s about to start pouring. Hyungwon secures the lock on the door and closes the window, preparing to be cooped up till the rain goes away. Hyunwoo hopes the usually flickering light will stay strong tonight. He can’t imagine being locked in the dark with just Hyungwon – what _could_ they do?

 

Now that Hyungwon stands closer, Hyunwoo can see the reflection of his own battered face in Hyungwon.

 

“I knew you weren’t sick, liar.”

 

Hyungwon laughs a little sheepishly. He reaches for Hyunwoo’s hand, and brings it to his face. Hyunwoo nearly gasps when his fingertips brush Hyungwon’s cheekbone, and the small bruise there.

 

“That’s new. It’s from a few days ago.” Hyungwon tells him. “He was annoyed at someone else… I guess I was kind of in the way. It actually wasn’t as painful as it looks.”

 

Hyunwoo knows that’s not true. Hyunwoo lets Hyungwon talk, lets Hyungwon take his hand and allow him to feel all their shared scars, telling him about each one. Some recounts are harder to hear than others, some more detailed, some less so. Hyunwoo’s hands are brought to Hyungwon’s wrist.

 

“This is also from a few days ago… Did it hurt?”

 

A beat.

 

Hyunwoo nods. Hyungwon looks so, so sorry.

 

"You know it's not your fault."   
  
Hyungwon doesn't say anything about that.   
  
They sit in silence, but it's a good silence. Everything has been cleared away, no tension, no secrets. Now, it's just them. In the silence, the rain stops gradually. Hyunwoo looks out of the window for a quick check around the area, but there's no one. It's just the two of them, it always is. Who knew taking up the night shift at the local shady building would give him the chance to meet his soulmate (and also see a buttload of criminal activity)? He wants to call Hoseok up right now and thank him for the job recommendation.   
  
Hyungwon looks out of the window too, his eyes tracing the silhouette of their building. When Hyungwon turns back to him, stars are alight in his eyes. A smile plays at the corner of his lips, and he silently dares Hyunwoo to ask what he's got up his sleeve. Hyungwon's sudden energy is infective, Hyunwoo is lit up by it too.   
  
"What's up?" Hyunwoo asks, just to humor him. Hyungwon points to the rooftop of the building.

 

"You ever been up there?"

 

* * *

 

  
Hyungwon has never been the kind of person that likes to stay still. As a kid, even though he took care not to get injured, no one would ever catch him sitting still. No, he'd be in the park, kicking around footballs or chasing butterflies with his neighbourhood friends. He wouldn't even stay still when he was sick, much to the chagrin of his parents. (Thinking of them now, he wishes he'd caused them more trouble than just being a restless kid. It won't make up for the hurt, but it might make him feel a little more satisfied.)   
  
The day he met Junyoung, he'd been at a bar, trying to drink away some of that restless energy. A good friend had convinced his parents to take him in after his parents had thrown him out. They were a nice family, but they didn't give a shit what he got up to. So more often than not, when he wasn't desperately looking for a job to be able to stand on his own, he was at the bar.   
  
At first, being with Junyoung was the best thing that had ever happened to him. For the first time in his life, he had a boyfriend, and all Junyoung did was pamper him. He also didn't care what Hyungwon did, and brought him to exciting new places where he could do whatever he liked and not be bored. But quickly, being with Junyoung became the worst thing that had ever happened to him. No need to go over why.   
  
These days, being with Junyoung had beat all that restlessness out of him. How could he go on his old adventures when Junyoung loomed over him like a shadow – ready to beat him into stillness? How can he do anything but sit still when it hurts too much to move?   
  
Something about Hyunwoo brings back that happiness, that energy. Hyungwon climbs the final rung of the ladder and onto the roof, and feels some of that excitement come back. Hyunwoo pants as he also climbs on, and Hyungwon extends a hand to help him up. He doesn't stand there for long, and finds his legs bounding him away once Hyunwoo is safely on the roof.   
  
Hyungwon knows that scientifically, the stars are light-years away, and just climbing a building won't bring him much nearer to them. But something about tonight is charged with possibility. He's about twelve metres off the ground, the air smells like rain, and his soulmate is just a few steps away. On a night like this, it doesn't feel too impossible to just reach out and stretch a little and be able to touch the stars. He wants to run along the edge of the building, but the sensible part of him reminds him that if he fell off the roof and broke all his limbs, Hyunwoo can't physically help him.   
  
Hyungwon looks at the giant, faded letter "H" on the ground.   
  
"Hey, Hyunwoo, I was wrong about this place being a mall... Must've been meant to be a hospital of some sort."   
  
"Yeah, I figured. I don't think they ended up using it."   
  
The helipad is three quarters of the entire roof. It's just a giant letter "H". H for Hyungwon. H for Hyunwoo.

“It’s beautiful here,” he tells Hyunwoo, emphasising the word “beautiful”. He joins Hyunwoo at the edge of the roof.  
  
"Hey, Hyunwoo. You know I love you, right?"   
  
"I do."   
  
"You know we can't be together."   
  
"I do."   
  
"You still want to be with me?"   
  
"Of course."   
  
For the first time in a while, Hyungwon is truly happy.

 

* * *

 

 

**(25th of December, 2018)**

  


It’s not the middle of the night when Hyunwoo goes to meet Hyungwon.

 

Changkyun starts an interrogation, lounging lazily on the floor of Hyunwoo’s bedroom, as he watched Hyunwoo get dressed. Hyunwoo adjusted the collar of his button-down and smoothed his jeans with one hand. He watches with a cocked eyebrow as Hyunwoo throws on a nice coat, like he’s never seen him in it before. Honestly, with the way Changkyun exaggerated, it made it seem like Hyunwoo was always dressed like trash.

 

“Geez, hyung, you look like you’re about to meet your soulmate for the first time.”

 

Well, Hyunwoo thinks, it’s not the _first_ time.

 

**HYUNGWON:**

**3.37pm:**

_hey love are you free??_

_lets watch the sun set_

 

Hyunwoo doesn’t take long to locate “that gorgeous park near our building”, as Hyungwon had put it. It’s late evening when he arrives, a few minutes to seven. Only a few people roam the park at this hour, most people lost in the rush home from their office jobs. (Hyunwoo’s glad he hasn’t yet been shackled with those chains.)

 

Hyungwon sits on a rusty metal bench, which is carved in a style that makes it look grand and intricate. He doesn’t see Hyunwoo walk up to him, too busy using his phone, so he starts when Hyunwoo taps his shoulder. Hyunwoo grins.

 

“Merry Christmas.”

 

Hyungwon tugs him down to sit next to him. In the daylight, Hyungwon is still the same person. But Hyunwoo sees him better – the light shines off his big eyes, his pouty lips. In the light, Hyunwoo can see Hyungwon’s smile clearer. And Hyungwon smiles so wide, burning with affection (for him, for _him_ ), that it spreads to him too. Hyunwoo thinks it’s even easier to love Hyungwon in the light of the day.

 

“I’m glad I can spend it with you.” Hyungwon tells him, eyes earnest.

 

Hyungwon isn’t far away. (He’s never really been.) He’s close enough to hold, close enough to love. Things will never be perfect, this much Hyunwoo knows and accepts. But Hyungwon’s here, and he thinks that should be enough.

 

They kiss. The sun sets.

 

They still have a thousand tomorrows.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who sent me CCs and comments about the fic. It has really been a labour of love and I put in a lot of effort, so it makes me so happy when people tell me that they like it or what they thought!!
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed the ending. Please comment and let me know what you think, or message me on curiouscat @hyunghonie :D 
> 
> My twitter is @hyunghoney and my tumblr is @sakurachae! 
> 
> Merry Christmas, everyone!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading to the end! 
> 
> Once again, Happy Birthday to Jack aka the best man on stan twitter! 
> 
> Thank you to Megan (@astrorights) and Mel (@mtnhyuk) who kind of beta-ed this long ass fic!! 
> 
> As always, you can find me on tumblr @sakurachae and on twitter @hyunghoney! And you can talk to me on curiouscat @hyunghonie :D
> 
> The second chapter will be up really soon (it's already ready, just didn't want to overload anyone)!


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